


Horror Wrought by the Druids

by sweet_rabbit



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Established Relationship, Female Pidge | Katie Holt, M/M, Nipple Play, Weddings, bunny keith, druid magic, in that it's a bit bizarre but that's a matter of opinion, it's mild bit it's also there, kind of halloween-ish, shallura - Freeform, totally fake science mumbo jumbo btw, yup it's mild but it's in here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-27 09:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8397079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_rabbit/pseuds/sweet_rabbit
Summary: One encounters a lot of strange things traveling the galaxy in giant magic robot space lions. Keith just never thought that one of those things would be a small rabbit version of himself hell bent on not only destroying his life, but also stealing his man.
(warning: this entire thing is rather... silly)
ଽ ૮ (๑òᆺó๑)ა





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WELP, this is happening! Saw a bunny!keith tag somewhere, instantly thought of Monty Python which was then followed by more seasonally Halloween movie thoughts like Beetlejuice and Rocky Horror, which finally leads us here: me cranking out a three chapter 10,000+ word story within one week. 
> 
> Just gotta edit the rest.
> 
> Anyway, hope you have a fun read!

ଽ ૮ (๑òᆺó๑)ა

“If it looks like a Keith, acts like a Keith and has the same poor hair choices as a Keith, then it’s probably a Keith.”

-was the general agreement in the castle ship among roughly ninety percent of its members in consideration of the mini bunny Keith.

Keith was the ten percent who disagreed and he was damned if he was to be swayed anytime soon on that decision. No matter what anybody, particularly boyfriends named Lance, liked to say, Keith felt he had a defined style and varied character traits that were not easy to replicate. His jacket, he liked to point out, was vintage, thank you, and very difficult to find so anybody who tried to copy him would fail for sure. And who else would carry a knife on the back of their felt not at all like a fanny pack, with a personally hand carved handle by yours truly, huh? Not necessarily no one, but Keith was sure you’d be hard pressed to find another within a fairly wide radius. Let’s not forget the hair, the hair was a must have that certain unnamed Cuban boyfriends enjoyed teasing him about, but it was hard getting that flip and flair with his admittedly thin locks. Thankfully Keith wasn't too big on personally grooming outside of necessary showers, so when he quick brushing his hair in the morning he found it worked very well for adding volume. Not many people can pull that good of a look off.

Handsome qualities aside, Keith felt it was very important to lay down the most important fact of himself that made him so unique and unable to copy, even on the miniature scale that they were currently dealing with: Keith under no circumstances had bunny ears or a tail that he enjoyed wiggling around to the amusement of princesses, life mentors, boyfriends and boyfriends’ best friends.

That belonged to It.

“I’m calling him Buneith!”

Okay, it belonged to Buneith.

“We’re not keeping that,” Keith informed everybody for about the hundredth time since they found him cutely hiding behind Keith's legs in the red lion. After his existence was acknowledged, though, he quickly ditched Keith for the others. Keith was dead to him and was totally okay with that since the feeling was mutual.

“Give me one good reason as to why and I’ll consider it,” Allura said with a glare. Yes, Keith had meant everybody. It was ridiculous.

“Because it’s creepy! That thing is a two foot tall weird bunny hybrid of me, and I’m pretty sure it was somehow created by the druids under Zarkon’s command in order to infiltrate the ship and kill us all!”

Keith’s logic was met with silence.

Well, silence and glaring from none other than Nega-Keith. All this “Buneith” needed was a goatee and he would be a sure fire ringer for Evil Negaverse Keith. The glare was a pretty good impression, minus the bit of reddened puffed out cheeks. Keith didn’t have to resort to trying to make himself appear larger to intimidate his enemies, it just came naturally. The thing even came with a tiny knife, why would something harmless and pitiful need a knife equally sad?

“To hunt and cook with?” Hunk supplied, making Keith realize he had been muttering all of that. “And hey, man, I didn’t know you liked Star Trek!”

“Irrelevant,” Keith grumbled. “Allura, I’m begging you. Please be the logical and most importantly SANE princess we know and kind of love, please! Ask yourself how he got here, why he looks like me and also what we’re supposed to do with him! That’s all, answer those questions and I’ll shut up and accept this bull shit, I promise.”

“Well,” Allura started as she stood up from rubbing Buneith’s ears, “he came in your lion so that’s how he got in here. As for how he got into your lion to begin with, it’s not terribly difficult given how large the lion is in comparison to Buneith so that would make sneaking by you fairly easy... Actually, we should work on that now that I think about it. Thank you for pointing such a huge flaw out to us, Buneith!”

Buneith gave a thumbs up at this.

“Now, it is true that it’s a bit unsettling as to why he looks like yourself, but that’s nothing that a few scans and tests can’t possibly clear up. He hasn’t posed any sort of threat to us or even the mice for that matter, so there’s no emergency to detain him if that’s what you’re concerned about. Now as to what to do with him, I don’t know and quite frankly don’t care. It’s the duty of the Paladins of Voltron to protect those in need and at this point in time it seems that Buneith needs us since he followed us from that desolate planet, don’t you agree?”

Uuuuugh, she was playing the Paladins Protect Others card. Cheap shot…

“He’s not totally defenseless,” Shiro finally decided to point out, thus defending Keith. “He’s got a knife.”

Point one for real Keith.

Buneith side eyed Shiro before reaching behind himself and pulling out his completely fake and not hand carved knife, sliding the blade from its case in a flash and brandishing it to the gathered group as if to daringly saying, “Don’t fuck with me.”

It did not have that affect.

“That is the cutest thing I’ve seen this month!”

“Oh my god, now we have to keep him. This is comedy gold!”

“Alright, I take it back, he is helpless…”

“Lance, we can knit him a sweater! We missed our chance last time, we can finally be redeemed!”

“No.”

Everybody paused in their cooing and awing over the little abomination to look curiously at Lance, who was wearing a very serious expression. With a determined huff, he took two long strides up to the table Buneith was standing on and bent down to his eye level. Buneith appeared curious, and slowly lowered his tooth pick knife and returned Lance’s stare head on, eyebrows lowering even more in intense concentration to match his opponent’s.

The atmosphere was tense as the two studied one another, neither blinking or even flinching. Allura grabbed onto Shiro’s bicep in supposed fear and gently squeezed and massaged it in wonder, while Pidge was rapidly taking very important notes along the lines of what equations would help determine exactly how fluffy Buneith’s tail was. Meanwhile, Hunk was nervously chewing on his shirt and Coran was busy flying the ship away from the oncoming asteroid cluster as well as trying to fix something that wasn't working, who even knew at that point, because somebody had to. Keith took a ready stance to intervene in the situation should Buneith show his true evil colors and try to maul the boyfriend.

After a grueling full minute, Lance made his move and scooped a surprised Buneith up into his arms with a small toss and large smile plastered across his face.

“I love him!” he exclaimed as he smooshed his cheek against the small rabbit human.

Keith quickly went into action and shoved a hand in between their faces, effectively cutting off all cute contact. That is until Buneith countered with a pinching bite to his palm, making Keith yelp and jump back, cradling his hurt hand to his chest.

“Did you all see that?!” Keith yelled.

“What, you deciding to be weirdly petty?” Pidge asked. “It’s a two foot tall squishy rabbit thing, ya’ jealous freak, get over it.”

“D’aaaaw, don’t worry,” Lance cooed. “I still care about you, too, Keith. It’s just… look at him!” At this Lance presented Buneith less than a few inches away from Keith’s face, a puffed up red faced glare meeting a rugged and chiseled one with impressive cheek bones. “He’s you but _tiny_! How can I resist a pocket sized boyfriend, huh? Spoiler alert, I can’t. Besides, if he is Kinda You then surely it makes the most sense for me or Shiro to keep an eye on him, right Fearless Leader?”

For a second Keith hoped Lance was pointing that last part to him, but no, Shiro was still leader… a small part of him he preferred to ignore was bitter.

“In some way, I guess?” Shiro said. “I mean, we don’t really know what mental age Ke-uh, Buneith is so he might be okay in a domestic sense… just not fighting against an empire.”

“Right, right! But I’ve done the calculations and judging by how cuddly he is, then surely Buneith needs to be supervised what with being in a new environment with lots of big people and a scary dopple ganger.”

“He's the scary do-!”

“And since you, Shiro, have your own cuddle monster attached to your arm-”

“A-Allura isn’t-!”

“Yes I am.”

“-then that leaves me! I accept this responsibility, thank you everyone.”

Hunk golf clapped while everyone else just shrugged or nodded. Keith, on the other hand, was not about to accept this lying down, no sir. If Lance thought for one second that they were going to play house he had another thing coming. Thus, he regular brooding was suddenly bumped up to eleven. Not that anybody was in the right mind to notice what with their New Keith obsession.

“Man all of this stupidity really drained me,” Pidge said while stretching and yawning. “I’m turning in for the night. Or, night sequence thing, I don’t know. See you all in eight or so hours.”

With varied murmurs of agreement, the group dispatched towards their rooms. Well, unless you were a Keith who’s boyfriend owed you a goodnight kiss to get you through the mandatory Space Parents induced night sequence separation, Buneith blockade be damned. The unfairness would be brought up in the next meeting because how did they expect any Keith to go without kisses? Because Keith was indeed a Keith and Keith needed kisses, it was all in the hand book.

“Where are you going so fast?” he cooly asked, as he casually leaned against Lance’s door, preventing him from entering. This was impressive considered how pissed off he still was.

Lance smirked and looked at Keith from beneath his eye lashes. “Well, I was thinking I was going to go into my room and begin my nightly skin regime, and possibly introduced Buneith, here, to some quality skin care. Unless you had other plans or wanted to join us?”

Keith shot a dirty look down at Buneith, who was currently snuggling way too intimately into Lance’s chest. He chose to continue being mature and ignore it for the time being. “I’m not big into beauty crap, you know that.”

“Yeah… but, you know, it’s fun if you try it?”

“Maybe another time, since I’m not allowed in there right now. But there is something else that we both find fun, right?”

“Oh, is there? I wouldn’t-”

“Wrap it up you two!”

“BUTT OUT, SHIRO!”

“I’m going to give you a moment to think about what you said, Lance, and the fact that I’m in charge of training exercises.”

“Fine… Keith, just kiss me and move on!”

You didn’t have to tell this Keith twice.

Moving quickly since Shiro was side glaring them from down the hall like a wolf, Keith closed his eyes and leaned in, expecting to meet Lance’s soft lips halfway for a sweet yet firm good night kiss. What he was not expecting was a tiny and weirdly calloused hand to slap him across the face.

“Buneith!” Keith heard Lance yell as his brain spun back into place. “You shouldn’t slap Keith, he’s practically your father!”

“I am not that thing’s father,” Keith grumbled.

“But you have the same eyes.”

“And the same of a lot of things, which is why I keep saying that this is suspicious and… are you seriously laughing right now?!”

Despite Lance’s attempt at saying “no,” it was very obvious that Keith’s boyfriend was betraying him. “Just… it’s kind of funny, he’s so tiny and angry like you! And I don’t know, maybe he’s getting revenge for you interrupting our snuggles earlier?”

“That’s bull shit.”

“Okay, then am I right to assume are you NOT plotting revenge against wittle tiny adowable Buneith~?”

Keith looked away in shame at 1.) absolutely plotting revenge against the abomination and 2.) finding Lance’s baby talk cute. It wasn’t, it was disgusting, just like Keith for thinking something like that.

“Uh huh… well then, good night, Boyfriend!”

“B-But my kiss!”

“Yeah, guess that’s gonna have to wait. Buneith here needs his Pure Deep Sea Hydrating Overnight Mask applied asap, don’t you sweetie?” Buneith just smirked (yes, SMIRKED) and buried himself slightly into Lance’s shirt, to Lance’s giggling and Keith’s seething. “Hey, don’t get lost in there! Heh, admittedly it will take a bit of time to come up with your own personal skin routine, but in the meantime there’s nothing wrong with a bit of hydration! Right, Keith?”

Keith sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah sure. See you later.”

He heard Lance mumble an “okay” while he sullenly walked back to his own room.

Halfway there he felt someone’s hand suddenly lay itself on his shoulder. Curious, Keith looked up and back only to find Coran covered nearly head to toe in ash and soot. Keith was about to ask where he suddenly appeared from, only to be met with a bizarrely piteous expression. Instead he raised an eyebrow as a silent prompt.

Coran merely looked away for a minute before saying, “I’m so sorry.”

He then patted Keith on the back with a chipper smile out of nowhere and pranced down the hall, leaving the young paladin confused and suddenly highly concerned.

ଽ ૮ (๑òᆺó๑)ა

That night was frustrating.

Keith got next to zero sleep and no, it was not due to jealously. It was instead caused by admittedly stupid scenarios he kept thinking where Lance would leave the manly Keith for the small yet suspicious “Buneith.” Not likely to ever happen, but they were in space dealing with a mini Keith with rabbit ears and a tail, you can’t blame him for his brain running wild. Totally not jealous. The other and main reason was the near constant banging and drilling sounds coming from somewhere in the ship.

It might have been somewhere between two and three hours into the night sequence that the noises started up. Keith had gone out eventually to figure out what or who was causing it, but couldn’t make heads or tails out of its location. After a while, he gave up and just assumed that Pidge was tinkering in the vents for some reason. It wasn’t something she had done in the past, but nobody else was out and looking about, so it must not have been a big a deal as he was making it out to be at the time, questionable Pidge actions aside. He stopped trying to understand his teammates a long time ago, boyfriend included.

He was still pissed at losing so much sleep from it, though, and Pidge was going to hear about it.

As soon as she appeared at breakfast, which she hadn’t.

Therefore, Keith was going to stew in anger and glare at Buneith until she got there.

Productivity was his middle name.

“Open the hanger doors for the delicious goop, Buneith!” Lance practically sang.

Buneith smiled and gladly opened his mouth wide, letting Lance shove the spoon in. Keith was nearly one hundred percent sure that that little thing was more than capable of feeding himself, but far be it from him to steal joy from his boyfriend. Hissing air from between his teeth, Keith forced himself to just assume that Lance missed his little cousins or something and was replacing nurturing them for nurturing… a rabbit version of his boyfriend.

That didn’t sit well.

Before Keith could question that possibility more, Pidge nearly kicked down the sliding door (impressive), running in and slamming a pile of metal, gears, wires and screws all over the table. Some of the parts even landed in others’ breakfast goo. No loss there.

“Who did it?!” Pidge shrieked. “Who’s touching my shit?! And by who, I mean Hunk! Hunk why are you touching my shit?!”

“Me?!” Hunk exclaimed. “Why do you always assume I mess with your stuff?”

“Because you have no sense of privacy!”

“Well I mean, we ARE a team who are supposed to bond and mind meld or something with each other. Shouldn’t we not be hiding secrets, hmmm?”

“I agree!” Lance yelled, raising his hand. “Your diary is fascinating, Pidge!”

“What, you…?!” Pidge took a deep breath and adjusted her glasses before continuing. “First, if it’s important I will tell you so you don’t have to read my diary. Second, you should watch your backs. Third, I suspect you of messing with my stuff, Hunk, because aside from your habit of invading other people’s space-”

“Lance doesn’t mind.”

“I sure don’t.”

“-you’re also the only other one on this ship who has as much knowledge and interest in mechanics and engineering as me to bother taking apart and stealing parts from an already existing mechanism. Sound about right?”

“I chose to neither confirm or deny this accusation.”

“Hunk, we’ve discussed this,” Allura finally cuts in. “You have your pile of scraps, Pidge has hers. If you needed something you should have asked.”

Hunk leveled her with a flat stare, clearly not amused by the mom talk. “Okay, yeah, I like to take stuff apart, but I wouldn’t take something of Pidge’s apart! I know how hard she works and everything she comes up with is super cool and useful and yeah I’d like to figure out how it works and I may have in the past unscrewed a couple of panels here and there and… huh, I’m not helping my case here at all, Lance cover for me!”

“I don’t have a smoke screen bomb handy right now, buddy.”

“Damnit…”

Shiro cleared his throat to halt the nonsense. “Hunk, just answer the question. Have you been messing with Pidge’s stuff?”

Hunk glanced around the breakfast table, seeing everybody giving him looks of suspicion. Keith felt a bit bad considering how lovable the guy was, but at the same time that’s how he ended up getting away with so much, the trickster. He often wondered if Lance influenced this behavior or if Hunk was already like that… probably both to some degree.

“No!” Hunk finally answered, sweat showing through his bandana. “And I’m feeling super attacked right now!”

“Not yet you’re not, you freakin’ liar!”

With a savage yell, Pidge launched herself over the table at the yellow paladin, only for Shiro to leap up and snag her by the collar of her shirt. Much yelling, flailing, and cowering ensued after that, leaving Keith, Lance and their new little friend to stare in wonder.

That is, until Keith noticed Lance suddenly fidgeting in his seat. Looking closer, Lance appeared obviously uncomfortable and kept tugging at his shirt, and readjusting his jacket. Keith didn’t think the guy was brazen enough to fiddle with any of Pidge’s electronics, he had been electro-shocked one too many times for that. Seriously, it was at the point where it was probably considered therapy. Unless those same shocks messed something up in his brain, giving him short term memory or something.

Before Keith’s thoughts got too far away from him, he tapped Lance on the shoulder and nodded over to the door indicating he wanted to have a private talk with his boyfriend.

With a quick glance to the squabbling group, Lance got up and followed Keith out.

Buneith appeared fine to stay and watch the show, which was more than okay with Keith.

Once in the hall and a bit further away from all of the noise, Lance leaned against the wall and Keith stepped closer, gently taking his hand in his own.

“Lance,” Keith started, “Did you mess with Pidge’s stuff?”

Shocked colored Lance’s face when he snapped his head up to meet with Keith’s. “God no! I don’t have a death wish, thank you very much! Besides, what the hell would I do with any of that?”

“I don’t know,” Keith admitted. “Did she tick you off earlier? Petty revenge plotting is kind of your thing… not that it’s bad, you can be pretty clever when you want to be.”

“Look, yeah, I see what you’re saying and thanks, I guess? But no, I wouldn’t mess with her stuff, I’d steal her glasses before anything else… then maybe put food goo in her chair, simple stuff that she wouldn’t expect since she’s way too elaborate with her revenge plots, ya’ know?”

Keith nodded, pride swelling in his chest. People may be able to say Lance wasn’t as book smart as the rest of them, which was still pretty smart, but damn if he wasn’t clever as fuck.

“So yeah, I didn’t mess with whatever it was she lugged into there. Why?”

“You were fidgeting like crazy in there.”

At that, Lance’s cheeks turned a vibrant pink and he bashfully looked away. Even more confused now, Keith leaned down to the side to try to catch Lance’s gaze back to his own. His boyfriend was currently chewing on his lip, obviously debating on something in his mind.

“Um, you know it’s, uh, okay to tell me what’s wrong… if you want,” Keith rather awkwardly tried to reassure. “So long as it’s not that you killed someone, I’d rather live in ignorance to that.” A month wasn’t too long a time to fully figure out the whole relationship thing and it really showed sometimes.

“Keith we’re at war, more than likely we've all killed multiple someones.”

“Yeah, but don’t change the subject.”

“It seemed important to point out!”

“And I agree, now tell me what’s wrong, goddamnit!”

“My nipples are killing me!”

There was a heavy silence between the two as the sentence hung in the air and muffled yelling could still be heard in the dining hall. Keith opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before shaking his head and returning his eyes to his now maroon boyfriend.

“Explain, please?”

Lance practically growled at that, a very uncommon occurrence as Keith was the one who tended to do that. Clearly he was too embarrassed to form words because with a huff he swiftly lifted up his shirt to reveal his perky and swollen chest. The two brown nubs were covered in bite marks and appeared to be permanently erect. Most likely they had been rubbing against Lance’s shirt most of the morning, causing all of that squirming. Keith was warring with concern and horniness from the sight and thoughts.

“Okay,” he whispered. “What happened?”

“Buneith must think I’m his mother,” Lance huffed. “I was just joking last night about you being his father, you know! Do you think he thought I was serious and thus put me in the mama role? I’m good at it, I know, but seriously how would anybody think there’s any milk in my pancake chest?!”

Keith’s eyebrow twitched once before furrowing downward with the other. Looking at Lance’s chest now it certainly did not resemble a pancake. It was as close to an A-cup as it was ever going to get and that was really saying something to how much work and effort was put into this accomplishment of Buneith’s. To make himself feel better about some mini clone of himself enjoying Lance’s nipples before he could, a thought that was always a weakness of his during personal time, Keith reached out his hands and gently cupped the sides of the swollen chest. Lance squeaked but didn’t shove the hands away, leaving Keith to gently massage them.

“You just let him do this to you all night?” he asked, after Lance left out a sigh of hopefully comfort. Keith may have been being a bit of pervert to Lance’s pain, but he did want to help relieve him of it as well.

“I don’t think so? I only woke up in the morning to him all attached down there, and of course to just one. I don’t know how he got so much damage done to the both of them without me noticing, because holy shit do I notice it now.” He hummed a bit as Keith applied a bit more pressure and unintentionally pushed his pectorals together, careful to avoid all of the bite marks and the tender nipples themselves. “God, I look like I have tits, now.”

“Lance, don’t be foolish. Everybody knows that the only Paladin who has anything resembling tits is Shiro.”

“Yeah, I know… but I might be giving him a run for his money if this goes on.”

A chuckle escapes Keith, Lance cracking his own smile. “Do you want me to find some ice for these or…?”

“Ugh, no way. That sounds even more painful with how hot they are right now.”

“Uh huh.” Keith experimentally brushes a thumb over one of the inflamed nubs, causing Lance to hiss. “I can see that. Hm, maybe some salve or something? It should soothe the burn without being too much of a shock. And we could probably put some bandages on them, too, so they won’t chafe against your clothes and you can avoid resembling a dowsing rod.”

It took a few seconds, but once Lance got the joke he nearly doubled over laughing while making sure to slap Keith on the arm. “Don’t make fun of me, I’m in great pain and embarrassment!”

“Then don’t laugh at my jokes! You’re encouraging bad behavior, right?”

 “No! No, you make so few I need to make sure you know how much I appreciate your effort!”

“Yeah? Well I certainly appreciate-”

“HELP I’M ON FIRE! SOME ONE STOP DROP AND ROLL ME!”

Startled, Keith shoved Lance’s shirt back down for him while the other stood in shock at Hunk running out into the hall, sure enough, on fire.

Or at least his foot was, and he was more hopping than running. Either way, it was a pretty huge problem that needed to be dealt with, which Keith made sure to do as he ran over while taking off his own jacket and smacking Hunk with it.

Luckily Shiro wasn’t too far behind and yanked Hunk up by the shoe that was actually on fire, and ripped it off. Before it even hit the floor Allura was on it with the space and/or Altean equivalent of a fire extinguisher, effectively turning the shoe into a foamy structure of ice. The two promptly fist bumped each other on a job well done, ignoring Hunk’s moan of that being his only right shoe as well as how much his big toe hurt.

After everybody took a deep breath, Keith found it important to yell, “Pidge, why the hell would you set Hunk on fire over metal scraps?!”

Pidge looked scandalized behind the doorway she was hiding behind. “How dare you! If anyone is going to do something with fire it would be you, Mr. Guardian of Fire! Besides, if you were in here as opposed to out in the hall making out with your boyfriend-”

“Keith!”

“Shiro, we weren’t-!”

“-then you’d know that I was standing on top of the table and thus was nowhere near Hunk. Especially his nasty feet!”

“Then how in the cosmos did my shoe catch fire?!” Hunk cried. Lance had by that point come over to cradle and shush him.

Everybody takes a moment to ponder this, ignoring Lance’s question of who farted for obvious reasons.

Before anyone can offer a more plausible and mature explanation, however, Buneith comes scurrying out of the dining hall, face pinched in distress and promptly leaps into Lance’s arms. Lance nearly drops Hunk’s head in order to catch the bunny hybrid, and immediately starts to rub his head to try to calm him down.

Keith, meanwhile, couldn’t help but notice the little twerp rubbing his hands against Lance’s shirt while Lance tried not to wince.

It looked like in addition to copping a feel, Buneith was subtly cleaning some black stuff off of his little hands.

ଽ ૮ (๑òᆺó๑)ა


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make way for poor attempts at comedy (this entire fic? meh, I'm having fun with it) and 100% made up science!

Once Hunk got a toe cast and a new shoe courtesy of Coran (somehow, the man wouldn't divulge his secret cobbling) the fire incident was brushed off as a fluke from all of the machinery Pidge had haphazardly tossed onto their table. Wires might have been mixed in there and somehow caused a spark that jumped over the table and onto Hunk’s foot. It wasn’t really an accepted reason, but all other testing around the area pulled up zero results. Allura made sure to schedule a fire safety class for later in the week and everybody pretty much moved on, life returning to normal.

You know, aside from Buneith who was single tiny handedly ruining Keith’s life.

it hadn't even been a full twenty four hours before he found the foundations of his comfortable lion piloting life in near ruin. Some would say that this was a gross exaggeration on his part, but they didn’t know.

They didn’t know…

... that Keith was really just bitter about not having Lance’s full attention for hours on end. Yes, he was aware that if their relationship lasted as long as he hoped it would be that down the line after the war Lance would definitely want at least four kids and Keith was fully on board with that idea. And with kids, the attention shifts to them as opposed to each other, an idea that Keith was also totally fine with. The difference here was that they had barely been together one month and they were supposed to still be enjoying what Hunk referred to as the “Honeymoon Stage” where everything was perfect about each other and life is glorious and you didn’t want to be away from your lover for more than a bathroom break.

So yes, Buneith was definitely destroying their happy time.

Keith still hadn’t received any kisses and it way past the ten hour mark from the last kiss he got which was driving the red paladin insane. Especially when you consider how Buneith was stealing all of Keith’s sweet Lance Kisses, and doing so directly in from of him. He would pay dearly for those. Keith didn’t know how to bake, much less with the ingredients at their current disposal, but damn if he wasn’t going to try to make Buneith into a pie if he didn’t back off soon.

Once Keith found himself actively writing down plans for baking a Buneith Pie, he was starting to think that it was his bad night that was causing these over the top revenge fantasies. After all, Buneith wasn’t a threat in any way except emotionally, and logically if Keith was this upset about it he should be talking to his boyfriend about it and not writing recipes that toed the line of cannibalism. It hadn't been a full day cycle, yet, and already he was acting like a clingy, possessive, jealous jerk whining for attention. Yes, communication with Lance was definitely in order.

Or he could go to the training deck and shove down all of his feelings into a fit of blind rage against robots, that was always a good plan.

As Keith was cutting down his third level four gladiator-bot, his mind already felt a lot more clear. Getting emotions out of the way was fantastic for thinking logically, screw whatever Shiro said about it not being a healthy coping mechanism! Keith was doing great! With his mind cleared, it was obvious what was going on: Buneith was sent from the Galra to destroy his team from the inside with the help of not one, but two lucky rabbit feet.

Never mind that his feet for actually tiny human feet, since he was some sort of bunny hybrid they were technically rabbit feet.

Keith had everything under control here, thank you.

However, before he could figure out how to use this new knowledge, a horrified scream was heard through the intercom, followed by Allura shouting, “Everybody to the main deck, NOW!”

High on adrenaline, Keith booked it with the intention of being first and possibly riling Lance up enough because of it that he would temporarily ignore Buneith’s totally not Keith like neediness for at least ten minutes. That’s all he needed to get what he wanted. All of the kisses...

Unfortunately he ended up being third, given that Coran was already in there and Pidge was just a few doors down. Keith had thought that since he at least beat Lance himself then perhaps it would be enough, but once he actually stepped into the main deck, Allura was storming in right afterwards, clearly pissed.

Everybody wisely kept silent as she stalked towards the center of the room, a large bundle of white clothes clenched in her fist practically steaming with the intensity of her grip. She opened her eyes and shifted her glare over everybody once Shiro and Hunk stumbled in, quickly stepping into formation when they got a read of the atmosphere. The only one who seemed unconcerned was Buneith, who was happily still in Lance’s arms.

If Keith had a death wish, he would have remarked how the bunny looked to be obnoxiously smug about something.

Finally, Allura relented in her silent torment and hissed out through gritted teeth, “Who… did it?”

The paladins and Coran all looked at one another in question, before Shiro hesitantly started, “Who did what, Princess?”

Wrong question.

“Don’t any of you play dumb with me, I will punt all of you out of the air lock in three ticks! Which one of you is responsible for THIS?!” At that last word, Allura took the white bundle and with a flick of her wrists, held out a once beautiful, lacey gown that appeared to have blue accents throughout. Keith could only slightly guess at this because said blue accents looked to have been cut out along with other portions of the dress from bits of the frilled lining to the entire parts of both sleeves starting from the elbows. It was a mangled mess.

Allura’s glare peaked from the top portion of the presented dress to once again sweep over everybody in the room.

“Well…?”

Another beat of silence went by where the only noise was from Hunk gulping. It was Lance who of course was the first to talk, the beautiful fool.

“Maybe it was the mice?”

Keith smacked his forehead in utter disbelief.

“Excuse me?” Allura whispered dangerously.

Lance was clearly unaffected seeing as he stupidly marched on. “No, see, there’s this earth movie, fairy tale thing called Cinderella and in it she talks to mice, too. Only in that it’s more depressing since they’re the only friendly things she has in life and they don’t understand her unless it’s the Disney version. Actually, that’s the specific one I’m talking about anyway so forget about that first part.”

“What the blazes is this... Dis-ney?”

“Later, Coran. So anyway, in the Disney version the mice want to help Cinderella go to this ball so she can fall in love with a prince, see? And she has a really ugly dress and no time to fix it so her mice friends do it for her for a surprise, only for it to later be torn to shreds anyway and a fairy godmother has to step in and magic her up an entirely different dress, which is all for the better since the mice kind of sucked at their job if you ask me. They made crap into dirt, technically an improvement but only if you saw what they had to work with, the silver one was WAY better. So yeah, maybe your mice friends are fixing an already super ugly dress you have to make it better!”

Judging by his smile, Lance was very pleased with himself. His ego was not helped by Buneith reaching up and patting his cheek before placing a kiss on it. Keith’s ego, meanwhile, was bruised by that action.

And Allura’s eye should not have been twitching like it was.

“Are you implying, Lance,” she slowly began, “that my clothing choices are ‘ugly’?”

“Wha-NO!” Lance quickly corrected. “Your clothes could only be considered ugly in comparison to your own beauty, Princess, ha ha! A-And anything you put on is going to be slammin’! I-I just mean that, uh, maybe the mice… don’t agree? In which case they’re crazy!”

“Hmmm… I accept your blunder. And while I suppose there is logic on Earth for tailoring mice, I can assure you that my friends would never go behind my back and ruin my belongings. So which one of you did it?”

“Wait, we’re not friends?!”

“I’m questioning it, Hunk, but surely you can understand my suspicions here.”

“What about Buneith?” Keith mumbled.

All eyes turned their attention to the red paladin.

“What _about_ Buneith?” Pidge asked, smirk slowly curling onto her face like she knew where Keith was coming from. She didn’t, by the way, the smug little know it all.

“Well… he’s the only new person type thing on this ship recently. I mean, why would any of us ruin Allura’s dress?”

“Why would Buneith?” Again, Pidge pushing Keith’s buttons.

“I don’t know, because he’s a little twerp?!”

“Keith!” Lance exclaimed, shock in his tone.

“You know, I can see where Keith is coming from,” Coran spoke up. Lance’s face showed one of betrayal and sure repercussions on the horizon for Coran’s mutiny. “We haven’t been able to get the tiny Keith away from you, Lance, since he goes missing the few short times he hasn't been with you-"

"It's just a potty break!"

"- and when we've tried to scan him even with you holding him he goes into near hysterics making it impossible to properly find out his origin.”

“He came from whatever planet we were on, that’s his origin! As for why he looks like Keith, maybe there was a screw up in the space time continuum or something?!”

“I think that’s just in Star Trek, dude,” Hunk mumbled.

“You’re an engineer, not a physicist, how would you know?! Tell him, Coran!”

“Hunk, you are absolutely right.”

“No, don’t tell him that! Geez, why do you all hate Buneith so much, what has he done?!”

“Been a twerp,” Keith grumbled.

Before Lance could further defend the thing, Allura cut in, “Enough! I see no motive for Buneith to ruin my dresses, but most of you tend to have moments of immaturity that can lead to poor decision making and questionable actions outside of battle! Am I wrong?” Everybody except Shiro looked away in shame. “Exactly. However, it appears no one is willing to take the blame. Lucky for all of you I am capable of setting aside my anger and not punishing all of you for one person's actions. Just know that the mice will be on look out at my closet so should the perpetrator wish to try again they will be caught and dealt with accordingly. If this is understood then everyone is dismissed. If I am needed I will be in my quarters… enter at your own risk.”

As the group made a path for Allura and her tattered dress, Keith couldn’t help but notice how the subject of Buneith was once again conveniently dropped.

ଽ ૮ (๑òᆺó๑)ა

Buneith suspicions aside, things just kept getting weirder.

Weird as in a lot of accidents that could have led to serious injury kept occurring, and the span of one day no less.

It was barely an hour, or whatever Altean time equivalent that was, before Pidge let out a distress signal across the ship to come find her immediately. Confused, but curious, Keith and the rest of the crew tracked down the annoying beeping only to find the girl tangled up in space tubing and hanging from the ceiling by her foot. After cutting her down and Shiro catching her, Pidge starting yelling at them to warn her if they were going to start having surprise training exercises. Allura and Coran assured her that that was not what was happening, but thanked her for the idea. Pidge passed out from the blood flow to her head and righteous fury after that statement.

Next was Shiro who, in the middle of a training demonstration, was suddenly lurched across the room by his robotic arm and stuck against the wall close to a vent fan. The blades of the fan were moving slowly and not even that sharp, but the fact that he was somehow magnetically stuck to a wall that he had never had a problem with before was concerning. Eventually Coran had to power the ship down to get the man unstuck, and Allura secured a blanket around him to “cut off any possibly magnetic charge to him.” Her own body was a good barrier between it, too, she claimed to Shiro’s enthusiastic thanks.

Add to that Hunk’s shoe fire, Allura’s dress mutilation and Coran… losing his mustache wax, it was one too many bizarre coincidences for Keith to handle. He was going to intrude on Lance and Buneith and force himself between the two no matter what, because they were clearly next on the list of semi-dangerous shit going down lately and damnit, Keith was a good boyfriend.

This was tested when he walked in on Lance applying a face mask to Buneith’s chubby cheeks.

“Oh, hey Keith,” Lance absent mindedly greeted. “You need something?”

“Do I need…? Are you serious right now?!” Keith asked.

“What, what’s wrong?”

“A lot! But the currently most wrong thing is that you and I are the only ones on this ship who haven’t been fucked with yet and I’d like to keep it that way! So I’m instating a mandatory five foot circle of magnetism around me that you can’t leave for the duration of the investigation into the previously stated events.”

“… Okay, I didn’t understand a word you just said, so yeah… Anyway, me and Buneith, here, were just finishing up our pre-night facial cleansing ritual before we head down to dinner. I assume you’ll be joining us, Mr. Magnetism?”

Keith grunted and had a quick reflection that maybe that name wasn’t in the best of taste considering Shiro’s earlier mishap. However, there was another issue to deal with.

“Since when do I need permission to join my boyfriend for dinner?” he grumbled.

“Say what? You know I didn’t mean it like that, what are you going on about?”

“Well it sure seemed that way! It hasn’t even been two day cycles since that mini rabbit me has invaded the ship and you’re already replacing me with him!”

“I am not! He’s tiny and needs me, you can clearly see how clingy he is, what with being in a weird ship going who knows where! And you know what, maybe I’ve been with him more often lately because he’s shown way more of an interest in what I like that you ever have.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Your whole making fun of my beauty stuff!”

“I don’t make fun of it!”

“You constantly call it ‘crap’ and every time I offer to let you join in you roll your eyes or do something equally as rude!”

“Yeah, well, it’s not like you’re jumping with enthusiasm whenever I talk about different weaponry and their uses, ya’ know! It’s useful stuff to know when you’re at war, I’m trying to help you!”

“And I’m trying to help you, too, it’s good to relax every once in a while! It’s healthy and I just want to include the ones I lov-!”

_WHIIIIIIIR!_

Keith and Lance quickly snapped their heads over to see Buneith brandishing one of Lance’s electric face scrubbers. Keith wasn’t sure what the point of them was, but the way Buneith was holding it combined with his death glare was a bit threatening. The couple shared a confused look before Lance stepped over to the angry bunny and gently took the tool away from him and picked him up.

“Are we going to continue this later?” Lance asked Keith on his way out the door.

Keith gave a noncommittal hum in response as he followed closely behind his boyfriend, matching Buneith’s glare times ten.

ଽ ૮ (๑òᆺó๑)ა

Dinner was awkward to say the least.

Keith and Lance’s small spat aside, everyone was starting to get suspicious of each other causing a thick tension in the air. Nobody was speaking and even Lance had cooled down his baby talk to Buneith while feeding him. Keith was still giving them the stink eye because seriously, that twerp was more than capable of feeding himself, he was just playing dumb. This fact grew more obvious when Buneith pointedly growled at him, his eyes flashing yellow for a split second making Keith slightly jump in shock.

Was the Galra theory Keith had really…?

“Good news everyone!” Coran practically sang as he slid into the dining hall. “I believe I have found the cause of all of these shenanigans that have been happening as of late!”

Everybody breathed a sigh of relief at that, yet Keith was still on edge. He straightened up and leaned forward to pay as close attention as possible to Coran’s explanation, shamelessly hoping for his theory to prove true.

“Thank you, Coran,” Shiro said. “Please go on, I don’t think we can take any more surprises.”

“Well you’ll have to take quite a few more I’m afraid,” Coran continued. “As this is rather… peculiar, even with all of my past experiences. You see, I happened to be absent during ‘Buneith’s’ introduction, so while I knew of his existence from over the communications, I was busy with repairs that were causing some minor malfunctions. Where they came from was a mystery at the time, but I believe everything will soon tie together.”

Keith placed his arms on the table in anticipation, nearly setting his elbows in his food goo.

“You see, there was an interference with the crystals, as if someone had activated a proton distractor, thus preventing the ship from detecting anything infused with druid magic. It took longer to correct than I anticipated considering the numerous other problems that quickly arose around here, and as it turns out they were all connected to the first issue that happened ever since one particular Keith-like being came aboard this ship.”

Lance gasped while everyone seated at the table quickly stood up, taking a few steps back. Buneith merely glowered at Coran, as if daring him to continue.

“But are you sure?” Lance asked.

“I’m afraid so, my boy. The time line adds up, along with all of the missing parts, the tinkering noises last night, and the sudden magnet-like reactions Shiro experienced earlier.”

“What could he possibly be using all of this stuff for though?!”

“Lance, you need to wake up!” Keith exclaimed, taking a step to try and separate the two. “Whether or not the science makes sense, that thing can’t be trusted!”

“But, Keith, we don’t have solid proof here and I don’t want to have to choose sides! I lov-!”

“STOP IT!”

All eyes shot towards Buneith, who was not standing on the table, his small tooth pick knife held out towards the corner of the table where Coran and Keith stood.

“B-Buneith?” Lance choked.

“You don’t love him!” Buneith continued. “You don’t, you love ME, you said so all night long!”

“What the fuck have you two been doing Lance?!”

“Not the time, Keith!”

“Yes, tell that idiot to shut up! He doesn’t deserve you, Lance!”

“What the hell is this?!” Hunk yelled, biting at his shirt.

“All part of my pal, you buffoon!” Buneith shot back. “Everything was going perfectly smooth, too, until that mustached Altean had to go connecting the dots.”

“Ah, you underestimated this gentleman, Buneith!” Coran countered with an expert mustache twirl. “Clever plan, trying to turn the paladins and princess against each other. Perhaps you would have succeeded if you had ignored your primal urges, but instead you left your heart open to possibly your DNA’s only weakness: blue paladins! And now you are clearly outmatched, seven to one! Surrender now!”

“Heh heh, you think this is the end? Why, it’s only the beginning! Lance, I’m giving you one last chance to come with me willingly. If you join me, I will take you back to the Galra and you will be treated like royalty as you stand by my side. My perfect wife and queen!”

Lance had been doing a good job of keeping his cool, but Keith could see his patience had finally worn out if the strangled sound coming from his throat was any indication.

“Absolutely not!” he cried. “I love Keith, not some two foot tall bunny version of him! I mean, god, I was treating you like you were my baby brother or, or hell, my OWN baby! And Keith's because I want to be with original Keith and there’s nothing you can do to stop that or convince me otherwise!”

“Is that so?”

“Yes! Especially with that itty bitty stick you call a knife. What are you going to even do with that, poke me until I-” at this point Buneith had clicked a small button on the bottom of the handle, extending an impressive light saber-esque sword from the previous tooth pick- “alright, you have made a much more compelling argument here, I will give you that, but still! I won’t go with you, I’m staying with Keith!”

Keith couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face, his heart swelling with pride hearing his boyfriend declare his unwavering loyalty in the face of getting his throat slashed and then immediately cauterized due to the burning heat. Locking eyes with Buneith for a second he made a rude gesture to the bunny in order to further drive home his victory.

Buneith growled before turning his attention back to Lance. “Fine then… I assure you though, there are other ways to convince you.”

“Oh yeah? And what-?”

“DIE!”

Lance responded with a loud screech and ducking down before Buneith’s flying form could properly slice any part of his body. As his long legs propelled him out of the room, still screaming his head off and practically waving his noodle arms around in panic, everybody was shocked out of their stupors and took chase after the tiny rabbit Keith bouncing way faster than he had any business doing.

Keith was the first to get out after them, yelling obscenities and cursing Allura for enforcing a “no bayards at the table” rule with Coran keeping good pace beside him. Allura had snagged a limping Hunk into her arms and was quickly catching up with the others, Hunk shouting encouragement to Lance despite the boy probably not hearing a thing over his constant shrieking. Meanwhile, Keith could hear Pidge instructing Shiro to come with her to the elevator in hopes that they could estimate where Lance would end up and possibly cut them off.

Sure enough Lance’s path was leading them further down into the ship, and with just a few slides and bumps into the walls he appeared to be making his way towards the training room. Whether or not he was aware of it was irrelevant, once in there Keith was sure he could snag a weapon and promptly take care of the menace that was Buneith.

“You’ll never get away with this!” Allura shouted from behind everybody, only slightly muffled by Hunk. “Voltron will end you and your scheme…! W-Whatever it is!”

“HA!” Buneith yelled back, only slightly muffled by Lance’s insistent banshee cries, jesus… “The fact that your puny minds can’t comprehend what I have in store for all of you is proof of your inferiority! Do you hear that Lance?!”

“GYAAAAAAAAH!!!!”

“YES! You’re only being held back by these do gooders, baby!”

“Don’t call him that, it's weird!” Keith hollered, hoping he was heard over all of the noise.

Finally Lance slid into the training deck, Keith and Coran diving in afterwards with Allura tossing Hunk ahead with probably the hope of hitting Buneith, and finally Shiro and Pidge touching ground in the elevator. Buneith himself swung around all of them while taking a slice out of Lance’s shirt before landing in front of the group, back against the wall.

Before any of them could advance, however, Buneith quickly knocked the wall, the same one Shiro had gotten stuck to earlier that same day, causing a panel to fall off. Behind that panel was a lever which Buneith promptly pulled down, causing a power surge throughout the ship and everybody to halt where they were with the exception of Shiro and Hunk. Hunk had fallen over from his landing given that he was only able to currently use one foot properly while Shiro was pulled to the floor by his arm.

“My feet!” Lance cried out. “I can’t move my feet!”

“My arm!” Shiro exclaimed. “My God, I can’t move my arm.”

“It’s as if we’ve been glued to the spot!” Hunk observed.

“You ARE!” Buneith cackled. “Now quake with fear you fools as I enact my master plan!”

“Wait just a minute!” Pidge said, adjusting her glasses. “Am I correct to assume that what we are standing on is a modified magnetized audio vibratory proton destabilizer? And that in order to have compiled such a machine, and under the floor boards no less, that you took advantage of the training deck floor’s specialized particle separator, using it’s particular chemical balance to connect to our own, thus scrambling our own DNA to that of this very floors?”

“You mean…?!”

“Yes, Hunk. It seems out little friend here has created a device that has the ability to jumble our own bodies to whatever object he so desires.”

“He’s going to turn us all into rabbits?!”

“The term is ‘BANCE’, Lance!” Buneith yelled. “Considering you are the only one worth the time to change to a more… let’s just say ‘compatible’ size? The only fellow rabbit to join me will be yourself!”

Keith flung himself to the floor in a rage at that comment, forgetting he was unable to remove his feet from it. Shame quickly set aside, he angrily shoved his body back up and pointed an accusing finger at the evil dopple ganger. “So are you going to just kill the rest of us?! Because I can tell you right now Lance will never forgive you if you kill all of his friends and his boyfriend who is ME!”

Buneith’s scowl slipped into a cunning grin as he chuckled to himself. “I am perfectly aware of my dearest’s adoration for all of you. It’s one of my favorite qualities about him, despite it also possibly being his greatest weakness. But no matter, I have the perfect solution for this.”

“Let us go?” Hunk suggested from his position on the floor.

“No… I’m going to turn you all into statues that will go in Lance and I’s future garden!”

Before the group could voice their collective “huh?” Buneith had pulled out another device with a comically large red button and pushed it, causing all of their minds to go blank until further notice.

Since they were now statues and all…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm after sitting on this chapter for two-ish weeks after my massive brain dump into writing the thing... I will say that this is silly. But that's to be expected if you got that entire last chunk's reference. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Got a tumblr by the same name, sweet-rabbit. I draw, too~


End file.
